SOLITUDE

"Solitude is the furnace of transformation." 

The Way of the Heart: Desert Spirituality and Contemporary Ministry 

by Henri Nouwen, page 25

It used to bother me.  The chaos that emerges when I spend several days in silence ... and it does take several days for my chaotic shadow self to emerge.  Although 2 or 3 days is good rest and much happens, it really does take 5-7 days for my true self to shed all of the outer layers of protection in order to feel safe enough to emerge.  After a week back in the world of ministry and meetings, I realize I didn't get where I wanted to get on my last stretch of silence.  I got a vision but I didn't get the realization ... I didn't feel.  Yet perhaps for now all I need in the vision!  Transformation awaits ...

Initial Concept of the Furnace of Transformation

Luke 12:35-40

As I engaged in Lectio Divina ... I heard, "Be ready and keep your lamps burning" in the first verse and I could go no further ... as I began to meditate I heard God say in the depths of soul

Keep the flame burning ...

Keep the flame burning ...  

Keep the flame burning ... 

Keep the flame burning ... Here I am standing once again looking into the mirror of my soul ... looking at the 2 sides of me.  And wondering, dear Mother God, where are you in all of me?  Out of the ashes and the brokenness shall rise a great light ... to reveal a new path ... a path that leads to new life.  Both sides are broken ... I know ... but only one shows her face in the light of the day.  Dear dear Shadow needs silence and darkness to come out and dance ... 

Final Painting of the Furnace of Transformation

Luke 4:42

As I engaged in Lectio Divina ... I heard, "At daybreak Jesus went out to a solitary place."  Jesus breathed in the fire of the Spirit as he walked to a solitary place.  A solitary place.  Solitude ... the furnace of transformation!  Solitude, no words only silence ... the silence that gives peace not war in the silence the war of words rages on until they fade away and there is only no words ... no words fade away until there is only the breath of God ... Spirit fills the void left by the silence as the day breaks ... starting over again ... one more time

4 days in the Silence ...

I just spent about 4 days in the silence ... Remember Elijah's journey ... "Now there was a great wind, so strong that it was splitting mountains and breaking rocks in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a sound of sheer silence." 

I love Elijah.  His journey into the presence of God through sheer silence mirrors my own ... every time!   As I let go of all of the outside influences I certainly feel like I have sustained a great wind, an earthquake, and a fire before I am able to settle into that place where it is just me and God in the depths.

On my first day I prayed a prayer with Howard Thurman as my newest companion in the silence ... I abandon all that I think I am and all that I hope to be and all that I believe I possess.  I let go of the past.  I withdraw my grasping hand from the future.  And in the great silence of this [present/cs] moment, I alertly rest my soul.    Amen.

Over the next couple of days I wandered the grounds and the rooms at the Ruah Center at the Villa de Matel in Houston, Texas ... creating an art journal,

painting with watercolors and drawing with colored pencils and oil pastels, engaging in lectio divina and centering prayer, taking photographs, and rocking ...  in the safety of the silence my sweet shadow self emerged to dance in my soul.  In a dream, I found a new depth of love for the wayward side of myself that I try to keep hidden away ... the one who feels so deeply and cries so easily! 

The Calm ... before

The Storm

One day Jesus was preaching on the sea of Galilee ... great crowds pressed in on him to listen to the Word of God.  Jesus noticed 2 empty women at the water's edge for all of the people had left them alone.  He took the women out into the water in a boat

 and he taught them together ... Wade into the deep living waters and the people will return to you.  Them women said, "Even though we have been working ourselves to the bone, because you say so ... we'll try again, together."  Adapted from Luke 5:1-7 during a Lectio Divina meditation.

On my last day I awoke with a sense of oneness with myself as I stretched into the light of day ...

And then comes joy!

Giver of Life ... Give me Life

    I raise my face to seek you ... my eyes to see your glory

    I raise my arms to embrace you ... my hands to hold you close

    I raise my soul to welcome you ... my heart to receive you 

Giver of Life ... Give me Life

A Psalm of Lament

This week in our Psalm study we are looking at Psalm 80, which is a psalm of lament.  We are trying this form of prayer as an exercise to understand how to express our deeper, darker emotions especially in times when the theology contained in our minds falls short ... Where are you, O God of my heart?   Here is a current adaptation of a lament I wrote in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina several years ago:

A PSALM OF LAMENT

1.    Call  

Oh Lord, my God and my Strength

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    
2.    Description of trouble

What is wrong with me, that you hide your presence?
And refuse to sit with me in my closet of shame
I’m lost and afraid of the darkness that surrounds me
I run aimlessly as my soul longs for you
I am desperate for you as I search and do not hear your voice
I find only empty promises and bitter blows
My heart falters under the strain
How I must disappoint you, my God and my King

3.    Plea for God to respond

Come to me in the time of my despair
Crush my spirit under the strain of my suffering
Satisfy your holiness with the cleansing of my heart
Have mercy upon me, my God and my Redeemer

4.    Statement of trust that God is listening

I will fear no longer for I trust in your everlasting presence
You listen yet choose not to respond for the sake of my soul
Your discipline will somehow save me from this material world
As you form me in an image fit for heaven, my God and my Creator

5.    Vow or expression of praise

All the days of my life I will seek your face
I will wrestle with you until you answer me
And I will praise your most holy name, my God and my Love 

Amen.

© 2006 Cindy Serio

Experiencing Psalm 15 through Prayer

Our Psalms for Summer Study is helping me live and breathe the  Psalms ... Learning to adapt the psalms for personal devotional prayers, conversing with the Psalmist, and allowing my emotions to really emerge as I pray has drawn me closer to God in a new and deepening way.  Psalm 15 is probably an entrance psalm which means that the people cried out the initial questions as they approached the entrance to the Tabernacle/Temple.  The priests responded with the remainder of the psalm.  As you read ... the psalm, bold print on the left with my adaptation italicized on the right.

 

Psalm 15 ... A Psalm of David.
Adapted for Prayer from the Good News Translation

Lord, who may enter your Temple?
Who may worship on Zion, your sacred hill?

Temple Mount (present day) Courtesy of BiblePlaces.com

Those who obey God in everything

Help me, O God to be obedient

and always do what is right,

Lead me, O God to always do what’s right

whose words are true and sincere,

Fill me, O God with words that truthful and sincere

and who do not slander others.

Keep me, O God from speaking falsely against others.

They do no wrong to their friends

Assist me, O God to always do right by my friends

nor spread rumors about their neighbors.

Help me, O God to always do right by everyone else too!

They despise those whom God rejects,

Free me, O God from thinking I know whom you reject

but honor those who obey the Lord.

Fill me, O God with respect for your obedient servants

They always do what they promise,

Enable me, O God to do what I say I will do

no matter how much it may cost.

Protect me, O God from the pain of my righteous actions

They make loans without charging interest

Create in me, O God a giving and generous heart

and cannot be bribed to testify against the innocent.

Keep me, O God from being tempted to speak against the guiltless

Whoever does these things will always be secure.  AMEN …

Psalms and Camp for Summer!

I am living in and praying with the Psalms this summer!   In addition to using the psalms as my personal prayer-book, I am leading a Summer Class on Sunday mornings and writing my bible study blog on the Psalms.  What I love about the psalms is the raw emotion that flows in and out from them ... they are messy, just like life!  Sometimes I'm happy and sometimes I'm angry and sometimes I am filled with joy but sometimes I'm overwhelmed with grief.  Sometimes, I just want to praise God for who God is and what God creates.  It's all right there ... in the psalms!

I spent this week with senior high kids at Lakeview Methodist Conference Center close to Palestine, Texas.  Pictures available soon!  It was exhausting and HOT ... I loved the time we spent together in the morning worshiping by the lake which was so peaceful ... I got to draw and pray in the silence.  But by far the most beautiful moment was in the evening as I was walking from one activity to another ... the sun reflecting into the clouds ... making them shine and glow in a myriad of beautiful colors ... inviting me into prayer ...

God of all Creation ... Let your people be happy
   and celebrate because of you.

Our God, you are the one
   who rides on the clouds, and we praise you.
 
Your name is the LORD, and we celebrate
   as we worship you.  From Psalm 68: 3-4

A Lovely Prayer

One of the things I do with great joy is volunteer at West Houston Assistance Ministries as a "worker bee."  I am not "in charge" of anything!  At WHAM I work with the best group of staff and volunteers, each one with a heart of gold.  On top of that I get to sit and listen to people with amazing stories of life ... people who are courageous and persevere through tremendous struggles ... people who need help AND oh, the biggest blessing of all ... I get to help them with food, clothing, and other necessities of life. 

Today, I worked in a new cubicle and I found myself staring at a poster with this prayer in beautiful cursive lettering:

God and Creator of every living creature, give us clear vision to see others for the unique individuals you have made us to be.  Give us clarity about ourselves as well, so that we might know who we are, whether circumstances honor or dishonor us, bolster us or dismay us.  Let the light of your life shine through us.  Amen.

I have no idea who wrote it, but it prays what I always want to keep in mind as I work and play with others in this complex world in which we live.   This prayer touched my heart and traveled deep into my soul as I long to be one through whom the light of God shines through ...

A Meditation on Ecclesiastes 3:1-15

God has planted eternity
in the human heart,
but even so, people cannot see
the whole scope of God’s work
from beginning to end … 

Ecclesiastes 3:11b (NLT)

Life is hard to live
when the future is unknown …
Yet the future is always
unknown … uncertain … unreachable
In the depths of my mind

I strive against the order of life
And fret over things I can never know
I hesitate for fear of becoming
Hemmed in and trapped
In a future not created for me

Always torn between what was
and what is to come
Always waiting
for the end of a moment
that closes one thought
And begins another
Always another thought
In the story of life
That goes on … and on … and on
Always changing
Never stopping

I can’t catch my breath
For the wind of change
continues to move
I can’t get my bearings
For I’m pulled into the vortex
of churning emotions …
I can’t find myself
Till my soul reaches out
And pulls me into
The dark of the deep

“Be still” she whispers
as I enter her spaces
sweet silence surrounds me
as her peace enters my chaos
and seeps into each corner
of my wounded being

© January 2007 Cindy Serio

we are three, you are three ...

‘We are three, you are three, have mercy on us.”

Anthony de Mello in The Song of the Bird tells of a bishop whose ship had anchored at a remote island.  Since he only had one day there, the bishop was determined to use the time profitably. 

He strolled along the seashore and came across three fishermen, mending their nets.  In broken English, they explained to him that their village had been converted to Christianity by missionaries centuries before.  “We Christians!” they proudly proclaimed.  The bishop was impressed.  But, in talking some more, he discovered that they had never even heard of the Lord’s Prayer.  The bishop was shocked.  “What, then, do you SAY when you pray?” 

 “We lift eyes to heaven and say, ‘We are three, you are three, have mercy on us.” 

The bishop was appalled.  This would never do.  In fact, it sounded almost…heretical.  So the bishop spent the whole day teaching them the Lord’s Prayer.  And, even though the fishermen were slow learners, they were finally able to struggle through it before the bishop sailed away the next day. 

Months later, the bishop’s ship happened to pass by that same island.  The bishop paced the deck, recalling with pleasure the three men who were now able to pray, thanks to his patient efforts.  But while he was lost in his thoughts, he happened to look up, noticing a spot of light to the east.  The light kept approaching the ship and, as the bishop gazed in wonder, he saw three figures walking on the water.  The captain, too, was amazed and he stopped the boat so everyone could see.  When they got within speaking distance, the bishop recognized the three fishermen.

“Bishop!” they exclaimed.  “We see your boat go by the island, so we come to see you.”   “What do you want?” asked the awestruck bishop.  “Bishop,” they said.  “We are very sorry.  We forget lovely prayer.  We say, ‘Our Father, in heaven, holy be your name….’ Then we forget.  Please tell us prayer again.” 

With a quiet voice, the bishop answered, “Go back to your homes, my friends.  And each time you pray, say,

‘We are three, you are three, have mercy on us.”

I first read a similar story several years ago in Richard Foster's Prayer: Finding the Heart's True Home.  Foster attributed the story to Leo Tolstoy.  Upon researching this lovely story I found that Tolstoy wrote a story called Three Hermits in 1886.  In Tolstoy's story, the Bishop says, "You have evidently heard something about the Holy Trinity.  But you do not pray right." 


How often I am with people who pray with so many words and I want to say ... "stop talking!"   At the same time I often feel like I don't "pray right" because I don't pray with so many words ... I need simplicity to hear the whispers of God.  And even more deeply ... I ache to feel God's presence deep within my soul when I am still.   Yet even then I cannot capture the depth of this unceasing prayer ... within this story I hear a call to experience the unceasing presence of God in all of life ... so as I contemplate the "Three in One" who is also "One in Three" ... I wonder and I pray ...

I am one, You are One, have mercy on me!

 The symbol of the Trinity

The trinity symbol is one of the most famous symbols from the Celtic heritage.  The first trinity symbols appeared in Celtic writings for decorative purposes and space-filling.  Christians took the symbol and used it to mean the Holy Trinity - Creator, Word and Spirit.   In the first century CE, when the followers of Christianity were persecuted by Romans, they went underground and used the symbol of a fish to identify each other. One would draw half a fish in the sand, and if the other drew the remaining half of the fish, they would identify each other as followers of Jesus, the One who calls us to be "fishers of people."  If you look closely at the trinity symbol you can see Christian "fish" embedded within.

prayer by t s eliot

blessed sister, holy mother, spirit of the fountain, spirit of the garden, suffer us not to mock ourselves with falsehood.  teach us to care and not to care.  teach us to be still even among these rocks.   our peace in god's will and even among these rocks.  sister, mother and spirit of the river, spirit of the sea, suffer me not be separated ...

and let my cry come to you

t s eliot (1888-1965)

living water ...

While Jesus was standing there, he cried out,
“Let anyone who is thirsty come to me, 
and let the one who believes in me drink.  
As the scripture has said,
‘Out of the believer’s heart  shall flow rivers of living water.’ ” 
Now he said this about the Spirit, which believers in him were to receive …  

John 7:37b-39a

Water is a powerful symbolic image.  In this passage of Scripture, Jesus uses water as a symbol for the Spirit of God.   I am drawn to Water as a symbol of the Spirit of God drawing different and diversely-gifted people together to form the Body of Christ.

In his book, Steams of Living Water, Richard Foster inspires a beautiful vision of wholeness in the spiritual life.   Using the imagery of water, he articulates six great “Traditions” or ways of living which manifest the spiritual life. He calls them streams and urges one to imagine them flowing together into a mighty river.  He says “in our day God is bringing together a mighty Mississippi of the Spirit.”     It would be easy to race through the book with a mind to label the boxes we put one another in with yet another name which would only serve to keep us drinking the water in our own stream.    However, Foster encourages us to slow down and explore each of these great traditions with an open heart and an open mind for each one presents an aspect of Christian living that can holistically enhance not just our own life but the collective life of the Body of Christ where our differences are respected and diverse spiritual disciplines are practiced as a means to an end rather than just an end in and of themselves.  How many times have I woken up from a chaotic state of being and asked myself

“Why am I doing this – to what end?”   

In longing to answer this universally asked question about the purpose of life, those who float peacefully in the Contemplative Stream might have “becoming one with God” as the desire of their prayer-filled life.   Those who swim daily laps faithfully in the Holiness Stream might have “becoming a person of Godly character” as the object of their virtuous life.   Those who splash joyfully in the Charismatic Stream might have “becoming supernaturally connected to God” as the target of their spirit-empowered life.   Those who fight against the waves in the Social Justice Stream might have “becoming one who sees God in all people” as the aim of their compassionate life.   Those who swim underwater with eyes wide open in the Evangelical Stream might have “becoming one who has spiritual understanding of God” as the ambition of their Word-centered life.   Those who dive deeply in the Incarnational Stream might have “becoming true to the image of God within oneself” as the aspiration of their sacramental life.     Each of these dimensions of the spiritual quest could be freely and forcefully articulated by one through whom the Spirit manifests the presence of God.  

However, if we look deeper we can see that even these goals may fall short of the wholeness of a life lived in that mighty Mississippi of the Spirit if one does not drink deeply of the living water in a different stream, at least once in awhile.   As human beings driven to the supreme mastery of creation, I believe we can become caught up in the pursuit of one way of being to the exclusion of all others.  In some cases this may produce a narrow worldview leading one to believe their way is the only way and sometime to demand that all others follow their way or be swimming in a sea of lost souls!   It may even be possible to find this close-minded attitude underneath a thin veneer of tolerance in one who, while not actively opposing it, refuses to engage in any spiritual practice that is unknown, unfamiliar, and/or uncomfortable.

I've been splashing around aimlessly more times than I care to count ... it is truly a deep, dark, dry place to be, for me ... a place where I am drowning in a sea of self-pity and strife within.  It is a place where I cannot breath, cannot speak, cannot drink ... fighting to make my way up to the surface in order to keep from drowning in my excruciating thirst for God ... again the question cries out in my soul,

“Why am I doing this – to what end?”

Jesus replied, “If you only knew the gift God has for you 

and who you are speaking to, you would ask me, 

and I would give you living water ...

those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. 

It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.”

John 4:10 and 14