4 days in the Silence ...

I just spent about 4 days in the silence ... Remember Elijah's journey ... "Now there was a great wind, so strong that it was splitting mountains and breaking rocks in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a sound of sheer silence." 

I love Elijah.  His journey into the presence of God through sheer silence mirrors my own ... every time!   As I let go of all of the outside influences I certainly feel like I have sustained a great wind, an earthquake, and a fire before I am able to settle into that place where it is just me and God in the depths.

On my first day I prayed a prayer with Howard Thurman as my newest companion in the silence ... I abandon all that I think I am and all that I hope to be and all that I believe I possess.  I let go of the past.  I withdraw my grasping hand from the future.  And in the great silence of this [present/cs] moment, I alertly rest my soul.    Amen.

Over the next couple of days I wandered the grounds and the rooms at the Ruah Center at the Villa de Matel in Houston, Texas ... creating an art journal,

painting with watercolors and drawing with colored pencils and oil pastels, engaging in lectio divina and centering prayer, taking photographs, and rocking ...  in the safety of the silence my sweet shadow self emerged to dance in my soul.  In a dream, I found a new depth of love for the wayward side of myself that I try to keep hidden away ... the one who feels so deeply and cries so easily! 

The Calm ... before

The Storm

One day Jesus was preaching on the sea of Galilee ... great crowds pressed in on him to listen to the Word of God.  Jesus noticed 2 empty women at the water's edge for all of the people had left them alone.  He took the women out into the water in a boat

 and he taught them together ... Wade into the deep living waters and the people will return to you.  Them women said, "Even though we have been working ourselves to the bone, because you say so ... we'll try again, together."  Adapted from Luke 5:1-7 during a Lectio Divina meditation.

On my last day I awoke with a sense of oneness with myself as I stretched into the light of day ...

And then comes joy!

Giver of Life ... Give me Life

    I raise my face to seek you ... my eyes to see your glory

    I raise my arms to embrace you ... my hands to hold you close

    I raise my soul to welcome you ... my heart to receive you 

Giver of Life ... Give me Life

Pondering a quote from Howard Thurman

“There is something in every one of you that waits and listens for the sound of the genuine in yourself.   It is the only true guide you will ever have.   And if you cannot hear it, you will all of your life spend your days on the ends of strings that somebody else pulls.”

Howard Thurman, theologian and civil rights leader

How can one hear the "sound of the genuine" in oneself if not to spend time in the silence until the voices of the world are banished from the consciousness.   Sometimes it seems impossible.  The host of voices screaming and the plethora of strings pulling at the soul ... surely one must be strong not to give in to the constant barrage of relentless intrusion.  

These days I find I have not the strength to do it ... pray with me, dear friends, as I enter into the silence seeking the "sound of the genuine" with this breath prayer from Luke 5:5b ... breathing in "if you say so" breathing out "I will" 

What makes you come alive?

"Don't ask what the world needs.
Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it.
Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."
Howard Thurman

Each evening I engage in a "daily examen." Very simply, I consider the events of my day, and I ask myself "What was life-giving?" and "what was life-draining?" As I experience the examen as a spiritual exercise, over time I find that it helps me to figure out just what it is that makes me come alive ... this is not a pattern that emerges quickly or clearly for this is a matter of the soul and mine needs much safety to share her wisdom.

Wisdom that arises from the soul doesn't always make sense. It doesn't always fit in a box but it might look great in a mosaic! In the last couple of days I have encountered God disguised as a "weeping woman." Each one in such deep pain that I could only hold the space with her ... no answers will you find here ... just simple presence as Spirit envelops us. The prophet Jeremiah (29:12-14a) writes a message from God to seekers like me

"when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you.
When you search for me, you will find me;
if you seek me with all your heart, I will let you find me, says the Lord"

Seeking God ... Finding God ... in the most unlikely people and places. This is what makes me alive! So I think I must go to the most unlikely places ...

Here I am, Send me!

¹³¹⁴

So dear friends ... what makes you come alive?

I'd love to hear from you if you'd care to share ...