Remembering Mom on her Birthday ...

Three years ago we were celebrating Mom's 80th Birthday.  I think we knew it would be her last ... I think she enjoyed it.   Perhaps what I know the most about my mom is that she was the very best "Grandma" ever.  And as I sit holding my brand new grandson, I know I'll never be the Grandma she was ... I'll simply be that Grandma that I am ... singing made up songs and reading books to a three week old.  I wonder if my mom ... 

Well, there we are, mom and me.  This is the way I like to remember Mom ... young and beautiful.  And holding a baby.  My mom, she loved babies ... children and family were her passion.  I guess there wasn't much she wouldn't do for us.  I probably didn't appreciate her the way she deserved to be appreciated.  But in my own way, I loved her.  And so today, I shed a few tears and I take a deep breath and I look into the eyes of my own grandson and I love with the love that she loved with ...  Thanks Mom for loving me in the only way you knew how to love.    

Have you ever sat and pondered love?  Whose love is it that permeated your being and made you who you are?  Whose love personifies God's love for you?   

In The Naked Now, Richard Rohr writes, "If you have never experienced human love, it will be very hard for you to access God as Love.  If you have never let God love you, you will not know how to love humanly in the deepest way."   (page 140)

In Romans 8:39 Paul writes, "No power in the sky above or in the earth below--indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord."  

Thanks God for loving me so that I might learn to love more deeply every day ...  

New Life!

Easton Matthew Serio

Precious little Easton Matthew, May the music of the psalms

resonate in your soul forever as you bask in God's love for you

 

O Lord, you ...know everything about me ...
You go before me and follow me.
      You place your hand of blessing on my head ...

                                                  your hand will guide me                                                 

      and your strength will support me.
You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
      and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
      Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
      as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
 You saw me before I was born.
      Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
 Every moment was laid out
      before a single day had passed.
 How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
      They cannot be numbered!
 I can’t even count them;
      they outnumber the grains of sand!
 And when I wake up, you are still with me!  Amen

Grandma Cindy praying excerpts from Psalm 139

Cat on a hot ... asphalt roof!

Just saw the cutest thing ... Moley the Cat sitting on the roof ... MEOW! MEOW! MEOW!

 

Then again ... perhaps it's a weird alien cat from outer space that just landed on the roof ...
Can you see those blue/green shining eyes ...
Then again ... maybe it's an artifact ... warehouse 13 call me!
Then again ... maybe I've been watching too much TV ... ya think?

A Candlelight Labyrinth Walk

One of the most beautiful memories I have is walking the Labyrinth at Chartres Cathedral in the Candlelight.  Perhaps one day I'll write about it ...

but for now ... let me tell you about the candlelight labyrinth walk I offered this past weekend to a group of spiritual seekers steeped in the sounds of sheer silence.  The photos do not do this labyrinth vision of light justice ...

While it wasn't the cathedral, the dance of over 100 candles gently invited our pilgrims onto holy ground ... as the last person rounded the first corner, I felt the familiar tug on my heart to join the community in this walk ... dearest God, here I am, yes!

two steps forward and one step back ...

o how like the journey of life!  

Two steps forward moving in rhythm o so slowly ... 

one step back, two steps forward, one step back ... 

I surrender into a meditation of "release"  

and there it is, the great expanse

 

two steps forward nothing ...  nothing ...  

                                                      one step back nothing ... 

                                                       a great expanse of space in the nothing-ness as 

I reach the rose "window" center ... 
the center of God ... the center of my soul ... 
and I am at home ... within myself.  


I "receive" ... clarity,
love and strength for the journey 


 
 
And I "return" 
with each dancing step of the pilgrim
I am filled with the Love of God!
Amen!

SOLITUDE

"Solitude is the furnace of transformation." 

The Way of the Heart: Desert Spirituality and Contemporary Ministry 

by Henri Nouwen, page 25

It used to bother me.  The chaos that emerges when I spend several days in silence ... and it does take several days for my chaotic shadow self to emerge.  Although 2 or 3 days is good rest and much happens, it really does take 5-7 days for my true self to shed all of the outer layers of protection in order to feel safe enough to emerge.  After a week back in the world of ministry and meetings, I realize I didn't get where I wanted to get on my last stretch of silence.  I got a vision but I didn't get the realization ... I didn't feel.  Yet perhaps for now all I need in the vision!  Transformation awaits ...

Initial Concept of the Furnace of Transformation

Luke 12:35-40

As I engaged in Lectio Divina ... I heard, "Be ready and keep your lamps burning" in the first verse and I could go no further ... as I began to meditate I heard God say in the depths of soul

Keep the flame burning ...

Keep the flame burning ...  

Keep the flame burning ... 

Keep the flame burning ... Here I am standing once again looking into the mirror of my soul ... looking at the 2 sides of me.  And wondering, dear Mother God, where are you in all of me?  Out of the ashes and the brokenness shall rise a great light ... to reveal a new path ... a path that leads to new life.  Both sides are broken ... I know ... but only one shows her face in the light of the day.  Dear dear Shadow needs silence and darkness to come out and dance ... 

Final Painting of the Furnace of Transformation

Luke 4:42

As I engaged in Lectio Divina ... I heard, "At daybreak Jesus went out to a solitary place."  Jesus breathed in the fire of the Spirit as he walked to a solitary place.  A solitary place.  Solitude ... the furnace of transformation!  Solitude, no words only silence ... the silence that gives peace not war in the silence the war of words rages on until they fade away and there is only no words ... no words fade away until there is only the breath of God ... Spirit fills the void left by the silence as the day breaks ... starting over again ... one more time

4 days in the Silence ...

I just spent about 4 days in the silence ... Remember Elijah's journey ... "Now there was a great wind, so strong that it was splitting mountains and breaking rocks in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a sound of sheer silence." 

I love Elijah.  His journey into the presence of God through sheer silence mirrors my own ... every time!   As I let go of all of the outside influences I certainly feel like I have sustained a great wind, an earthquake, and a fire before I am able to settle into that place where it is just me and God in the depths.

On my first day I prayed a prayer with Howard Thurman as my newest companion in the silence ... I abandon all that I think I am and all that I hope to be and all that I believe I possess.  I let go of the past.  I withdraw my grasping hand from the future.  And in the great silence of this [present/cs] moment, I alertly rest my soul.    Amen.

Over the next couple of days I wandered the grounds and the rooms at the Ruah Center at the Villa de Matel in Houston, Texas ... creating an art journal,

painting with watercolors and drawing with colored pencils and oil pastels, engaging in lectio divina and centering prayer, taking photographs, and rocking ...  in the safety of the silence my sweet shadow self emerged to dance in my soul.  In a dream, I found a new depth of love for the wayward side of myself that I try to keep hidden away ... the one who feels so deeply and cries so easily! 

The Calm ... before

The Storm

One day Jesus was preaching on the sea of Galilee ... great crowds pressed in on him to listen to the Word of God.  Jesus noticed 2 empty women at the water's edge for all of the people had left them alone.  He took the women out into the water in a boat

 and he taught them together ... Wade into the deep living waters and the people will return to you.  Them women said, "Even though we have been working ourselves to the bone, because you say so ... we'll try again, together."  Adapted from Luke 5:1-7 during a Lectio Divina meditation.

On my last day I awoke with a sense of oneness with myself as I stretched into the light of day ...

And then comes joy!

Giver of Life ... Give me Life

    I raise my face to seek you ... my eyes to see your glory

    I raise my arms to embrace you ... my hands to hold you close

    I raise my soul to welcome you ... my heart to receive you 

Giver of Life ... Give me Life

A Psalm of Lament

This week in our Psalm study we are looking at Psalm 80, which is a psalm of lament.  We are trying this form of prayer as an exercise to understand how to express our deeper, darker emotions especially in times when the theology contained in our minds falls short ... Where are you, O God of my heart?   Here is a current adaptation of a lament I wrote in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina several years ago:

A PSALM OF LAMENT

1.    Call  

Oh Lord, my God and my Strength

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    
2.    Description of trouble

What is wrong with me, that you hide your presence?
And refuse to sit with me in my closet of shame
I’m lost and afraid of the darkness that surrounds me
I run aimlessly as my soul longs for you
I am desperate for you as I search and do not hear your voice
I find only empty promises and bitter blows
My heart falters under the strain
How I must disappoint you, my God and my King

3.    Plea for God to respond

Come to me in the time of my despair
Crush my spirit under the strain of my suffering
Satisfy your holiness with the cleansing of my heart
Have mercy upon me, my God and my Redeemer

4.    Statement of trust that God is listening

I will fear no longer for I trust in your everlasting presence
You listen yet choose not to respond for the sake of my soul
Your discipline will somehow save me from this material world
As you form me in an image fit for heaven, my God and my Creator

5.    Vow or expression of praise

All the days of my life I will seek your face
I will wrestle with you until you answer me
And I will praise your most holy name, my God and my Love 

Amen.

© 2006 Cindy Serio

Experiencing Psalm 15 through Prayer

Our Psalms for Summer Study is helping me live and breathe the  Psalms ... Learning to adapt the psalms for personal devotional prayers, conversing with the Psalmist, and allowing my emotions to really emerge as I pray has drawn me closer to God in a new and deepening way.  Psalm 15 is probably an entrance psalm which means that the people cried out the initial questions as they approached the entrance to the Tabernacle/Temple.  The priests responded with the remainder of the psalm.  As you read ... the psalm, bold print on the left with my adaptation italicized on the right.

 

Psalm 15 ... A Psalm of David.
Adapted for Prayer from the Good News Translation

Lord, who may enter your Temple?
Who may worship on Zion, your sacred hill?

Temple Mount (present day) Courtesy of BiblePlaces.com

Those who obey God in everything

Help me, O God to be obedient

and always do what is right,

Lead me, O God to always do what’s right

whose words are true and sincere,

Fill me, O God with words that truthful and sincere

and who do not slander others.

Keep me, O God from speaking falsely against others.

They do no wrong to their friends

Assist me, O God to always do right by my friends

nor spread rumors about their neighbors.

Help me, O God to always do right by everyone else too!

They despise those whom God rejects,

Free me, O God from thinking I know whom you reject

but honor those who obey the Lord.

Fill me, O God with respect for your obedient servants

They always do what they promise,

Enable me, O God to do what I say I will do

no matter how much it may cost.

Protect me, O God from the pain of my righteous actions

They make loans without charging interest

Create in me, O God a giving and generous heart

and cannot be bribed to testify against the innocent.

Keep me, O God from being tempted to speak against the guiltless

Whoever does these things will always be secure.  AMEN …

Psalms and Camp for Summer!

I am living in and praying with the Psalms this summer!   In addition to using the psalms as my personal prayer-book, I am leading a Summer Class on Sunday mornings and writing my bible study blog on the Psalms.  What I love about the psalms is the raw emotion that flows in and out from them ... they are messy, just like life!  Sometimes I'm happy and sometimes I'm angry and sometimes I am filled with joy but sometimes I'm overwhelmed with grief.  Sometimes, I just want to praise God for who God is and what God creates.  It's all right there ... in the psalms!

I spent this week with senior high kids at Lakeview Methodist Conference Center close to Palestine, Texas.  Pictures available soon!  It was exhausting and HOT ... I loved the time we spent together in the morning worshiping by the lake which was so peaceful ... I got to draw and pray in the silence.  But by far the most beautiful moment was in the evening as I was walking from one activity to another ... the sun reflecting into the clouds ... making them shine and glow in a myriad of beautiful colors ... inviting me into prayer ...

God of all Creation ... Let your people be happy
   and celebrate because of you.

Our God, you are the one
   who rides on the clouds, and we praise you.
 
Your name is the LORD, and we celebrate
   as we worship you.  From Psalm 68: 3-4

A Lovely Prayer

One of the things I do with great joy is volunteer at West Houston Assistance Ministries as a "worker bee."  I am not "in charge" of anything!  At WHAM I work with the best group of staff and volunteers, each one with a heart of gold.  On top of that I get to sit and listen to people with amazing stories of life ... people who are courageous and persevere through tremendous struggles ... people who need help AND oh, the biggest blessing of all ... I get to help them with food, clothing, and other necessities of life. 

Today, I worked in a new cubicle and I found myself staring at a poster with this prayer in beautiful cursive lettering:

God and Creator of every living creature, give us clear vision to see others for the unique individuals you have made us to be.  Give us clarity about ourselves as well, so that we might know who we are, whether circumstances honor or dishonor us, bolster us or dismay us.  Let the light of your life shine through us.  Amen.

I have no idea who wrote it, but it prays what I always want to keep in mind as I work and play with others in this complex world in which we live.   This prayer touched my heart and traveled deep into my soul as I long to be one through whom the light of God shines through ...