As I engage in the Prayer of Examen, I often have trouble identifying the life-draining moments of life because I always seem to find a golden life-giving nougat in every situation. I think that is my way of coping with life.
I've been praying a lot lately ... and it's not that I don't pray a lot all the time LOL:) and yet ... the groaning of creation with earthquakes and tsunamis across the world and tornadoes and flooding in the heartland of the US and fires running rampant with the drought leaving the land parched in Texas ... along with the groaning of family, friends, and acquaintances in the throes of death, disease, addiction, incarceration, and homelessness ... well let's just say I'm carrying around a journal to hold all of the prayers I can no longer hold in my head!
Is it that there are more people, places, and situations in need ... or am I just paying attention these days ... deep sigh
And yet ... I know that the recent death of OBL (I can't bear the name) is calling me deep within myself to reflect and pray and seek God amidst the celebration of death that I can't seem to wrap my head around.
I have wondered and I have prayed. Dear God, how do you feel about all of this? All I ever really want is to know as I pray is how God feels and search my own soul to see if I am in sync with the Holy One whom I love and who loves me ... celebrate? I can't feel it. All I feel is this tremendous grief and sadness that suddenly gives way to weeping ... in some way I sense that my own humanity has been stripped away to reveal ... what? I don't know.
I am so grateful for the way if all unfolded without massive numbers of collateral casualties BUT then I think about all of the death and destruction that lead to the death on this one man ... and it just makes me feel so sad ... I cannot find the life-giving nougat!
I woke up this morning praying over and over ... Lord, have mercy. Christ, have mercy. Lord, have mercy. Christ, have mercy. Lord, have mercy. Lord, have mercy. Lord, have mercy. **This is my natural way of deeply sinking into prayer with The Jesus Prayer.
As I write and pray and think and wonder, I just want to weep and weep.
Suddenly, I find the golden life-giving nougat in each healing tear that makes a salty trail to the floor of my soul ... May the Spirit of Healing Peace descend upon the Soul of the World with each tear that falls from the eyes of humanity.
