The Silence of God

One night on a silent retreat at the Abbey I walked the Labyrinth and confronted the illusive God lurking in the depths of the darkness. I demanded to be shown the darkest part of myself. One word reverberated through my consciousness, the silence of God a deafening "no."


That night the Monastery was engulfed in a furious storm with lightening flashes and thunder pop, pop, pop like gunfire on the battlefield into the silence of the deepening dark. Even the shadows were jumping as they crept around the edges of my mind. The rain fell in torrents like waves crashing on a concrete boardwalk. But it was nothing compared to the roaring emotions welling up within me. I paced in my cell and ranted to the bug on the floor 'til she feared for her life and hurriedly left my stormy room.

Finally, with an eminent explosion looming inside me, I ran into the night, barefoot and crying, shaking my fist, shouting curses that would make even the devil blush. Thank goodness the monks were tucked safely in bed! How long did I walk and when did I stop? "My God, My God! Where have you gone? My Lover, My Friend! Oh, how I want you! Lord, have mercy. Christ, have mercy ... Lord, have mercy. Christ, have mercy."

As my tears flowed into the streams of water soaking into the ground, I looked up to heaven and reached out my arms, peered into Way, and searched for the God who simply stayed silent.