I have spent a lot of years striving for those last "2 points." When I was growing up I loved school and I was a really outstanding student. Yet when I came home with a 98 on a test, my dad always said, "What about those last 2 points?" I just couldn't seem to get the perfect "100." I always seemed to leave those last 2 points on the table.
Recently I have had some interaction with a person who reminds me of my dad and those last 2 points. Don't get me wrong! My dad is wonderful and I am the person I am because I do keep trying and trying and trying. That I keep trying isn't the problem. That I can't seem to let go is the problem. Nothing I do seems to be enough ... for the me I used to be. And suddenly I am not the me I am today ... I am the me I used to be, striving for those last 2 points again!
Sometimes several streams of living water flow together to cleanse us of destructive messages such as the one I've been living with most of my life and that has become such a profound struggle recently.
On Saturday I attended a Kairos Prison Ministry team meeting and was blessed to lead a meditation called "the Rock Altar." Each person chose a rock to represent our distractions and struggles ... our burdens ... anything that sought to take our attention off of God. I couldn't seem to put my finger on any specifics that day ... I was too distracted! I did feel a general sense that I needed to let go of ... something. At the end of the meditation, we acknowledged the risen Christ that lives and walks among us in the present moment.
Yesterday morning, I shared a Lenten reflection by Henri Nouwen with our church staff. Our reflection ended with a time of sharing. As we shared with one another we were encouraged to "let go" of our worries, especially as we struggled with things we have no control over, in order to live in the present moment of each new day. Let go ... and live in the "now."
Last night I walked the labyrinth. Before we walked we meditated on Luke 18:15-17 ... Jesus said, "Let the children come to me." I put out different colors of play-do at the entrance and sprinkled small, colorful "cross" erasers in the center. I chose a neon green blob of play-do for my walk and I began squeezing and kneading that little blob ... As I walked the way in to release, I realized that I needed to let go of some very silly little things that had began to grow and take form. I began to feel very burdened with my emotions.
As I entered the center of the labyrinth and sat down, I picked up a tiny cross and then another one. Then, I recieved a word ... "Let go of those last 2 points." As the emotions rushed forth, I flattened out my play-do so I could press those little crosses into the mushy green goo. It was a wonderful little symbol of "letting go." I wanted to take it with me to remember!
After sitting there for quite awhile, resting in the light of God's amazing grace ... it was time to return. Suddenly as I prepared to leave the center, I realized that to really (really) let go of those last 2 points I had to let go of the symbol ... and leave it behind ... but that was hard. My body didn't want to leave those last 2 points behind.
Slowly, slowly, slowly ... I returned ... stopping here, stopping there ... 2 steps forward, 1 step back. And so the dance of life goes on ... and on ... and on
Dear friends ... what is it in your life that you just can't seem to let go?
How might God be inviting you to dance today?
